The Virtue of Written Kitten

Photo by Julia Hoven

You may call me a procrastinator.

For instance, this very column is being written on the day of my deadline, and furthermore, it is being written on writtenkitten.net. Do you not know what that is? Allow me to illuminate you. Written? Kitten! is a website created with people like me in mind. It has a word counter and for every 100, 200, 500, or 1000 words you write (depending on the setting) you are rewarded with a picture of a kitten. Mine should appear shortly – right about now, in fact. Right now.

And that is the virtue of Written? Kitten! – that it provides the necessary motivation to get things done – things like papers, novels, poems, short stories, NaNoWriMo, and (most importantly for this moment) columns. And since this column is supposed to be about 500 words, I still have at least four more kittens to look forward to.

Now, I understand that not everyone will be as exited as I am about kittens in random situations and varying degrees of fluffiness. I do not, unfortunately, have a solution besides believing that such people should just learn to appreciate the adorable. Kitten! I do, however, have another use for Written? Kitten! That such readers may make use of – provided they have computers with a speech function.

Screen Shot of Written? Kitten!

You see, the next best virtue of Written? Kitten! Is simply that it’s on the internet – that magical place of I Can Haz and poor quality amateur singing videos. The internet is also the only place in which my computer’s speech function works (that I know of at least – I’m not that great with technology), and therefore Written? Kitten! has become a great resource with which to get my computer to Kitten! speak my reading assignments to me.

For instance, within the past week I was horribly behind on reading — and cleaning. I had electronic copies of my readings, but it is actually rather hard for me to read on my computer – perhaps it has to do with the glare, I’m not actually sure. So, I had to clean my room, but wouldn’t have the time if I also read. I had to read, but it hurts my eyes to do so on my computer screen.

I hate to admit it, but it took me two episodes of Beyond Belief Kitten! before I found my solution. As you may easily guess, that solution involved my most beloved motivational website. I simply copied my assignment, pasted into the text box, and started the speech function – and Voila! I could “read” my assignment as I cleaned! Furthermore, as the assignment was over 6000 words, I was also able to see a new picture anytime I wished, simply by clicking the space bar.

If you are still not as enamored of Written? Kitten! as I am, that’s fine. I’ve never really expected everyone to be. But, in enumerating its virtues, I’ve found Kitten! a column piece. Enjoy it, or not, but I’ve passed the time with kittens, and that, my friends, is a good use of time.