Politicians adopt a new campaign strategy

IN a trend that seems to have popped up almost overnight, politicians have found a new,  unconventional style of choosing their political platform. Traditionally, political parties have held national conventions in which major candidates and broad strategies are chosen, each of which helps make the face of the party in the coming election.

This year, however, the game is changing. As one of the largest elections in the world draws close, the presidential and vice presidential candidates from both major parties are planning to shake things up a bit.

“Look, here’s how this works,” explained Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States of America. “So we all grab a few darts and just kind of throw them at the wall. Whichever sticky notes that we hit, we have to mention them in our next speech.”

“The best part?” Biden struggled between uncontrollable bursts of giggles, “We have to mention them even if we had to say the opposite thing just last week.”

When asked about the recent changes to the century old political process, Dr. Harry Yates, political science professor at Princeton, told us, “The implications of this are tremendous. The most powerful man in the country tells you nothing but lies and feeds you false statistics. Does that scare you? You’re about to be living it.”

Mitt Romney, Presidential candidate of the Republican Party, commented, “But yeah, my boy Paul [Ryan], is so good at this. Seriously, like, he can take anything he gets and make a solid speech.”

Romney hopes to knock presidential incumbent Barack Obama out of the White House in the November elections. “Man, I really hope someone hits the one that says ‘opponent is a terrorist’ again. That was so much fun last time.”

Economic, foreign, and social policies are just a few of the topics that the sticky notes cover. Some of the most popular topics among the candidates are the ‘attack opponent’ and ‘personal hardship’ categories.

“The debates are going to be hilarious. We won’t even know what we’re actually supporting until like 20 minutes before they start,” said Biden.

Despite attempts by the media to derail what might be one of the greatest scandals in American history, the “dartboard method” remains entrenched in modern politics. However, as a recent Newsweek poll shows, almost 92% of Americans see no major differences between this and previous elections.