Tuscaloosa’s Cobb Theater Bans Madea’s Witness Protection

Photo by Julia Hoven

. Tyler Perry’s newest foray into cinematic comedy, Madea’s Witness Protection, was met with reproach in Tuscaloosa’s Cobb Theater last Friday, a week before its projected release.

Tuscaloosa’s Art Council was bombarded with complaints about the new film. After careful consideration, the council has decided that the movie in its current form, is a danger to the youth of Tuscaloosa. This decision came only months after the banning of Turn Me On, Dammit!
Tyler Perry’s movie is a tale of capitalism gone wrong. Tyler Perry’s character, Joe, takes the fall for a Ponzi scheme operation in his business, and is forced to live with Tyler Perry’s other character, Madea.
A council member, who wished to remain anonymous, said about the film “presents an America in which Ponzi schemes are frowned upon. Obviously, the implications of this are tremendous.”

“Are we going to let the liberals control both the media, and Wall Street now, too?” the council member asked in tears — “maybe we should just go ahead and give them the White House.”

The MPAA gave the movie a PG-13 rating for “crude sexual remarks and brief drug references.” Pastor John Kearns, the man credited with leading the fight against Toy Story 3 two years ago, again spoke out against the quality of films shown in Tuscaloosa.

“Honestly, I hate the idea that my kids are being exposed to sexual remarks and drug references. There is absolutely no reason that we should allow children to hear and see this kind of obscenity, especially at a place as easily accessible as a movie theater.”

When the Cobb Theater was asked to not show the movie, they had little choice but to acquiesce. “We would hate to have another Toy Story 3 situation on our hands,” explained Bobby Cobb, president and CEO of Cobb Theaters.

When asked about the recent banning, director and lead actor Tyler Perry said, “Are you serious? They’re going to ban my movie in Alabama? That’s fantastic! This is the best publicity that I’ve ever gotten.”

He smiled at me for a few seconds in disbelief, then turned around and yelled, “Someone get David (the marketing director for Madea’s Witness Protection) on the phone. The New York Times needs to hear about this immediately!”

Most of the Tuscaloosa residents that we have talked to seemed somewhat glad that the new film isn’t being shown. Student Casey Miller said, “Do people still watch Tyler Perry movies? At least this way, the lines will be a little bit shorter when that Spider Man or Abe Lincoln movie finally comes out.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/maury.holliman Maury Holliman

    Haha well done. I’m loving the sarcasm.